I'm Guilty: Yelling

Ugh.  I just had a total mommy-had-enough moment and lost my cool.  When I lose my cool, I tend to yell.  When I yell get mad at myself for yelling and then I yell more.  What?  I know.  Lame.

Let me set the stage so you can see just how ridiculous I am.  A random thunderstorm is blowing through and we lose power for 22 seconds.  Enough time for me to lose the pictures I was currently editing.  Cue the start of my anger.  I go into the living room where the kids are chilling and playing and am immediately confronted with a barrage of new items on the floor that were not there a few minutes ago.   Cue slight annoyance.  I head into the kitchen to grab Charlotte her medicine since she is coughing up a storm.  I insert the syringe into the bottle and the tip snaps off.  Ugh.  So I go to grab a different syringe from the medicine drawer and there everything sits in a heap of children's Advil goo that had apparently leaked all over.  Cue my first fit.  I clean out the drawer by dumping it into the sink and scrubbing it while cursing all things sticky in my head.  I go back in with her medicine...finally.   She starts to object but she must see the look on my face and stops cold.  I head through the office on the way back to the kitchen and am reminded that not only did my computer shut off but the kids had used the room as a "store" this morning and there was approximately 7.2 billion toys littering the floor.  Only a slight exaggeration I assure you.  Cue the fury.  

Suddenly I went from "best Mommy ever" to "yelling and crazy lady" in 3 seconds flat.  

It was a whole lot of "Get in here and get this cleaned up!" and "You can clearly see that doesn't fit in there, take it upstairs!" and "Oliver!  Put the iPad down.  Are you kidding me?!  I said we're picking up!".  

Not to mention what is coming from the kiddos mouths.  "Mommy you're not being fair!"  and "You just don't love us anymore!" followed by tears and screams of nonsense.  Clearly at this point we are all irrational.  

In response I go into the kitchen and loudly clean out the refrigerator (wha?!).  Pitching out-of-date orange juice and old tomatoes while muttering on about how I am the only one who sees these things need thrown away anyways.  

At some point after we had all calmed down slightly Charlotte said to me... all be it loudly and through some remaining mad tears... "Mommy!  When I said you didn't love us anymore I just thought you were going to come and hug us to bits!!".  Cue gut punch pang of guilt followed quickly by hugging and cuddling to bits, apologies from all sides, and a slew of I love you's.  

I know these moments happen.  Luckily in our house there are pretty few and far between.  Never the less, TGIF.  

The Facebook Share that Stings

The last few days I haven't been able to get on Facebook without seeing a share, like or comment on this story.  Every time it pops up I cringe a little and scroll quickly past it.

I want to be happy for them.  I should be happy for them.  Instead I feel sorry for myself and I scroll on. You see, we too were pregnant with mono-mono twin girls.  Twin girls that we lost to cord entanglement at almost 18 weeks.  Ruthie and Imogene were delivered July 19th, 2012.  

Although they were not born holding hands, we saw some pretty phenomenal moments from them during our many, many ultrasounds.  Dancing around, playing and kicking each other.  Those are things you won't see with other twin pregnancies.  When the twins are monochorionic and monoamniotic it means they are sharing one space for everything.  It is an incredibly scary way to carry twins resulting in healthy births only 50% of the time.  I often say our girls played a little too hard and a little too much and that must be why they got all tangled up.  You see, Ruthie and Imogene passed away because their cords were so entangled that they could no longer supply them with what they needed to live and grow.  

What this story has done for me is helped me to understand how social media posts can affect others.  I don't believe in censoring yourself, your excitement, your praise or your posts to please every person on your friends list.  Impossible.  However, I do now empathize a bit with those that are sometimes sensitive to certain posts.  I understand how a pregnancy announcement is going to make an infertile friend cringe a bit.  I see how an announcement of an engagement or wedding might disappoint a friend who is recently separated.  I get how one parent excited about their child's achievements might affect a parent who's child is struggling.  

I don't think we should change what we share, but I do feel a bit wiser when it comes to understanding the feelings of others.  I would be lying if I said I hadn't rolled my eyes or been annoyed when someone voiced concern over a post, but I suddenly get how something that is posted with a big heart can feel so personal.  I will keep this in mind when I see others reactions.  I am not planning on changing what I do, say or share, but I am certainly thankful for this opportunity to empathize with others and perhaps lend a kind word when I can.

Hunt Update

It was PERFECT!  You may remember me mentioning planning a small Easter Egg Hunt for our neighborhood.  The best laid plans are usually accompanied by a few hiccups.  The thing is, our hiccups made this the absolute best hunt.  Ever.

It started raining on Friday.  Hunts around town were cancelling left and right.  

I was not going for it.  Our hunt was rain or shine baby.  After all, people had donated we eggs that I wasn't about to figure out returning and we had spent a few nights that week getting additional eggs stuffed. We were excited, the kids were excited, and after all, it was just a little rain.

It was still sprinkling when we got up on Saturday.  We headed to our hunt spot (a gorgeous little wooded area in our development) and began hiding the eggs.  By the time we were done, we were in a rain covered, brightly colored, magical little wonderland of Eater Eggs.  

Most of the kiddos showed up, a few let the rain keep them away.  The kids got baskets over filled with eggs and had a ton of fun.  

Hands down, the best hunt ever.  Pure Easter magic.  

My Wee Ones on Wednesdays

Our week in an Instagram.  Follow me @mandyskudler.

Love his hair after a cut.

4 for the last time!

Hiding eggs for our neighborhood Easter egg hunt.

My birthday girl and I celebrating at the American Girl Doll Cafe.

Pharrell's Happy brings out the best in us.  Clapping and jamming.  Even Woody was getting in on the action.

"Mommy.  I'm Iron Man."

My Sweet 5 Year Old

Oh my Charlotte girl.  How is it even possible?  This sweet, funny, endearing little being is now 5.  Five years old.  A whole hand full of years.

I spend most of my time wondering how on earth it has already been 5 years since she was born.  It seems absolutely impossible.

Yet with the same breath I am wondering what it was like when she wasn't here.  I know that time existed, but a bit of my heart feels like she has always been here.  Always part of our family.

There were a lot of things I was prepared for when I became a parent but understanding the tricks time was going to play was not one of them.

The crazy part is, we are only getting started.  Five years seems so long but we are just brinking on the bits of awesome this world will hold for her.

Oh Charlotte, you have so much to offer.  So much to give.  You are infectious in the best way possible.  Spreading smiles, happiness, joy, love and laughter.  

I am in the front seat my girl.  Ready to ride with you the whole way by your side.  Your loving Mama.

Happy 5th Birthday my Charlotte girl.  I love and adore every minute with you.  You have filled our hearts.  Thank you Char Char Binx. 

The Hunt for the Perfect Hunt

Being fairly new to Georgia I was on the hunt for a fun, age-appropriate hunt for my kiddos to do this weekend.  The local high school was advertising a hunt so I checked it out:

The additional description included things like:

"Last year we had 22,000 people in attendance and this year we are expecting even more!"

and

"the entire event will last from 10am to 5pm"

and

"In addition to thousands of eggs on the field, thousands more will be dropped from a helicopter. So bring the family and enjoy TONS of candy, inflatables, face-painting, pictures with the Easter Bunny, lots of vendors, and fun for all ages!"

Whoa.  Just whoa.  I kept looking and found this one at a local church.  It's description was:

"2,000 screaming kids running/scrambling out onto a field that a Helicopter has just flown in and dropped 20.000 Easter eggs stuffed with prizes. There will be a live critically acclaimed Latin band playing music, inflatable games, face painting, food, and more!"

My goodness what is going on here?  Somebody tell these people to take a chill pill.

I LOVE Easter.  Seriously love it.  It has been my favorite holiday for as long as I can remember.  I remember a community hunt we used to have at a local park and a little hunt at a small grocery store in town.  I remember hunting for real eggs at a family friends farm.  I remember the Easter bunny hiding our baskets on Easter morning and searching the house for them.

No helicopters.  No inflatables.  And certainly a lot fewer than 20,000 eggs.  But my goodness it was fun.  The absolute best memories.  I swear there are still days where I walk out in the morning and think  that it smells like Easter.

That is what I want my kiddos to remember.  The smell of an early spring morning.  Dew covered eggs in the grass.  Sun shine, spring blooms, happiness.

Needless to say I am now up to my ears in Easter eggs for a small neighborhood hunt I decided to plan myself.  100% worth it.

My Wee Ones on Wednesdays

Six Flags with the littles.

My girlie and I painted the signs coming into our neighborhood.

A special treat for helping Mommy paint in the scorching sun.

Morning sunshine.

Bear Claw Kid

I can not stop laughing.  It should not be funny but I can not stop laughing.  Please read. (By the way, when I copied this picture from the news website it was titled bear_claw_kid which I think is also hilarious.)

I want to be annoyed at this Mom.  All up on my pedestal preaching about how it should never be possible to not know where your child is, even for a second.  Unfortunately I can relate, in a much less hilarious and not nearly as serious way...and frankly I simply can not stop laughing.

There I was one afternoon, putting a basket of laundry away.  I happen to glance out the window in Oliver's room and there he is, heading up to the playhouse in the so-called woods in our backyard.  In the 62 seconds I was away from him off he went.  I can't even imagine what I would have thought if I came downstairs and couldn't find him.  I would have died.

So just imagine how relieved this mom was to find out her kid was in the claw machine.  I laugh every time I think about it.

Police:  "Mam we've found your son.  He is safe.  He is across the street stuck in a claw machine."

Mom:  "Oh thank God.  I am so relieved!"

Ok folks.  Your turn.  Share your kids wandering off stories.  Band together Mama's...we are not alone!

My Wee Ones on Wednesdays

Here are my Instagram moments from the last week.  Follow me on Instagram @mandyskudler.

Swinging

We absolutely could not leave the dollar store without this hat.

Driving back to Georgia.  How can they sleep like this?

Looking as good as can be.

This is the face he made when I told him to say cheese.

We All Win the Mompetition

Mom-pe-ti-tion: noun 

1. the act of competing, both knowingly and unknowingly, with other moms.  All the time.  In a super annoying way.  For no reason at all other than to boister your own self confidence. 
2. a contest for some prize, honor, or advantage that exists only in your head and that you will never actually win.
3. the rivalry that is offered by a competitor (re: another mom) who made a comment, posted a picture, or boasted about her child in a way that is actually pretty normal yet somehow gets twisted into a horrible game once sung gleefully about in a tune known as "Everything You Can Do I Can Do Better".

We live in a new day and age.  One so very different from the time we grew up that I think many of us have spent some time overwhelmed and confused about how to handle it.  Between Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, and the numerous other forms of social media we are in a constant battle.

To compete or not to compete?  That is the question that way too many Mom's these days are asking themselves.  Let me make this easy and very clear.  The answer is always no.  Do not compete.  Mom-petitions are the thief of joy.  They make us crazy and they never make us better Moms.  Never.

I recently read an article titled "I'm Done Making My Kid's Childhood Magical".  The author went on and on about how we do too much to create magic for our kids.  How our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers would be appalled at all we do just to create a magic that inherently exists in childhood.  For the most part I think she is right but I think her frustration is misdirected.

The problem isn't what we do, the problem is why some Mom's are doing it in the first place.  The problem is that we have created a society without boundaries where we are constantly sharing every bit of our lives and subsequently feeling like we are being judged about every bit of our lives.

The fact that this author doesn't want to do elaborate pinterest crafts or over the top birthday parties truly has nothing to do with the fact that she doesn't want to make magic for her kids and has everything to do with the fact that she is done competeing.  Bravo.  Be done you strong mama you.  But let me tell you, stepping out of the mompetition ring doesn't mean the battle stops.

Some mom out there is going to turn her home into a castle and hire a small army of princesses to flood her daughters 2nd birthday party.  The battle is being ok with that.  Some mom is going to serve box cake mix cake and ice cream with refined sugar.  The battle is being ok with that.  Some mom is going to plan a week of crafts and elaborate activities during spring break while another is going to let her kids watch movies everyday.  The battle is being ok with that.

You see where I am going?  Being a good Mom, even a great Mom, means doing what you can do in a way that makes you happy and present for your children.  It doesn't mean winning an unannounced competition in your head between you and every other mom friend on Facebook, in your neighborhood or on the PTA.  If us moms spent as much time supporting each other as we did competing with each other my goodness we would be a force.  A wonderful but flawed group of moms supporting, encouraging, commiserating....whatever the moment calls for.

Here is a 'Do' in this world of parenting.  Be proud of your child.  Be consistently, openly, happily proud of your child.  While you're at it, be proud of your friend's child, your co-worker's child, the other child  at the park.  If we all win, the competition is over.  So let's win.

Toilet TMI

Please brace yourself for TMI.

You know how it is as a mom, rarely a moment to yourself.  They need you when you're sleeping, they know when we're awake; whether they've been bad or good its all our time they take.  Silly song aside, we all know even bathroom time becomes kid time. 

Last night after putting the kidlets to bed I took some time for myself...in the bathroom. Like I said, TMI. I fiddled around on my phone and generally enjoyed the quiet. As I finished my business I flushed and went to grab my phone which I then proceeded to hurl straight into the swirling pot of grossness.  Instinctively I reached in and grabbed it out.  Eww.  Cleaned it up.  Eww.  And stuck it in rice so I could pretend that would help. 

So here I am, phone-less with a new one set to be delivered before I head back to Georgia Saturday morning and all for a little me time. Well shit. Literally. 

I feel like we now have a community of all of us crazy moms banding together. In that spirit, let me hear your bathroom stories. I can not possibly be alone in this right?!

My Wee Ones on Wednesdays

A few blog posts in and I have been having some super positive feedback. Obviously I am not the only Mom out there going crazy, feeling twitchy, often succeeding but sometimes failing and loving every minute if it.  Thanks for joining me!

I am a pretty big instagrammer (is that a word?) and you can follow me @mandyskudler. On Wednesdays I will share some of my favorite Instagram moments from the past week.

Time out while shopping

Time out didn't work so well

Surprise birthday party for Charlotte and my 2 nephews!

Pretty, pretty princess

The incredible four-some

I'm Guilty: Procrastination

Welcome to a new feature on this little blog of mine.  One where I confess things that I do that drive me crazy and perhaps make my own life a bit harder.

Let's start with today's example: Procrastination.  I am a master procrastinator.  I put things off to the last minute and still succeed at getting them done better than anyone I know.  Sure it usually involves less sleep and some crazy moments but things get accomplished and who could argue with that?  In fact, I am so good at procrastinating that I have actually convinced myself AND my husband that I do better work if I wait until the last minute.

Case in point:

We leave in 3 1/2 hours to begin our spring break drive to visit our family in Iowa.  I still have laundry that needs to go in the dryer which then needs to go in the suitcase that's not packed, which needs to go in the car that currently has a gas gauge sitting on E.

Wish me luck folks.  I'm on a mission.  WHEEEE!!!

"Don't Touch Me!"

Kids go through their phases, especially when it comes to phrases.  We all experience the "no!" phase and the "why?" phase.  My little guy though, his favorite phrase right now happens to be "Don't touch me!".

As a parent it is super annoying, often embarrassing and generally makes me concerned that some random person is going to be worried about his well being as he yells "Don't touch ME!" to his own Mom and runs away from me.

It's not like this happens sometimes.  This happens all the time.

Checker at the grocery store says hi.  "No!  Don't touch me!".

Charlotte's teacher brings her to the car.  "Don't touch me!".

Another walker nods to us while we are on a walk.  "No!  Don't touch me!".

Starbucks barista tries to hand him his apple juice.  "No!  Don't touch me!".

Old gentleman at the post office comments that he is a cute little guy.  "Don't touch me!".

People back away from us with their hands in the air trying desperately to explain themselves like they were really doing something wrong by saying hello to my 2 year old. "Oh my gosh.  Sorry.  No.  I wasn't going to touch you.  So sorry."

Not only am I ridiculously embarrassed, I have no idea how to stop it.  He says it to us at home all the time too.  When it's time to take a nap, change a diaper, heck...even just to give him a treat we are greeted with a swift hand out and an exclamation of "No!  Don't touch me!".

This week he started elaborating on his favorite phrase.  "No!  Don't touch me!  I'm Iron Man.  I get you!".  To be honest I like it better.

Please tell me I'm not the only one.  What are some choice phrases your kiddos have been stuck on?

The Release of Frozen

Like many 4 year olds, my daughter is completely consumed by the movie Frozen.  The deepest of her love is for the character Elsa.  Her and her friends at school have an 'Elsa Club' and she has been declaring "my favorite color is blue like Elsa's; except that my real favorite color is still pink".  And, of course, she can sing every word of Let it Go, both Idina Menzel's version and Demi Lovato's version.  Oh yes, we have been in a full out Frozen frenzy for the last couple of months.

So much so, that when we were at the Disney store in January we went ahead and pre-ordered the movie.  We did this for two reasons:

1.) I thought it would be easier.  No worrying if a store is out of stock and then having to make multiple trips to find it.  A guarantee to just get it right away.
2.) You got a coupon.  $20 off a $40 purchase coupon in fact.  Quite the deal.

One thing that our sweet little miss doesn't know is that we are surprising her with a trip to Disney for her birthday in April.  So that coupon was going to allow me to buy the Elsa dress for her to wear when she meets her new favorite princess.

I started to notice the day we pre-ordered the movie that Frozen merchandise was becoming scarce in the stores.  The displays were getting smaller, nothing was in stock, and of course...no costumes.  So, to be safe, I started checking for it more regularly.  By checking I mean like losing my mama mind and calling multiple stores on delivery days to see if they got any in, checking obsessively online, searching Etsy for one that wasn't super lame or super expensive.  Never any luck.  The best advice I continued to get from the stores was to just wait until the release of the movie.  They would get all the stuff in then.

So here it is.  Tuesday, March 18th.  The much anticipated Frozen day.  I had to drop Charlotte off at preschool at 9:00am and the mall opened at 10:00.  I was going to be there ready to day-after-Thanksgiving-body-slam anyone who got in the way of me and the rack that was sure to house the costume.  I couldn't even wait the full hour.  I was in the car, Oliver loaded in the stroller, and in the mall at a quarter till 10:00.  I eagerly approached the Disney store....where I saw a freaking line wrapped entirely around the store and out the door. Every single person in line waiting to get their movie.  Ugh...they opened early.

I can work with this, I thought.  As long as they have the dress I can handle the line.  I make my way over to a teeny tiny stand littered with a few rogue Frozen items.  Really awesome kid items too like coffee cups and adult sized t-shirts.  What the hell?  I needed an employee.  Stat.

"Excuse me mam, where is all the Frozen stuff"?

"Hello Princess!!  Everything we have is right on this rack!!"

"Um...this is everything?  I have called this store about 712 times over the last 2 months and I was told today would be the day you would finally have Frozen stuff in stock"

"Awe!  Well you are looking at everything we have!!  Is there anything I can help you find?"

"Well, I was hoping to get an Elsa dress.  Again, I was told today would be THE DAY for that.  Do you know when you will be getting some in?"

"Well no Princess I don't!!"

"You have got to be kidding me.  This is ridiculous."

"Oh I am so sorry to hear that!! Have a magical day!!"

A few points to keep in mind here.  It's great to be chipper as a Disney Store employee.  My daughter loves it when you call her princess.  I, on the other hand, could care less.  And when you see I am getting annoyed, the likelihood is that you calling me princess will annoy me more.  And another thing; the magical day comment would have been far awesomer had you whipped a costume out from who knows where and presented it to me.  Pure magic right there.  Other than that it was pretty much BS.

I left the store.  I called my Mom to vent.  I calmed down, got a coffee, and went back to the store.  Where I waited in line for over an hour to pick up an item I already paid for.  Did I mention my screaming 2 year old who just wanted to rip every stinking thing off every shelf and tear it open and play with it for 3 and a half seconds before moving on but instead he was trapped in his stroller belting out some blood curdling screams for the gigantic line of people to enjoy?  Yeah, he was there too.

The one silver lining was that moment in line when I decided to check online for the costume and they actually had it.  In stock.  In her size even!  I called the hubs to have him make sure it was the good one, you know Disney; there is the good costume everyone wants, and there is the uglier one that people accidentally buy when they think they are buying the first one.  The hubs didn't answer so I checked out and called my Mom.  She confirmed it was the right one.  In stock.  In her size!  At this point I was pulling into our driveway since we live all of 10 minutes from the mall, and I run in to order it.

You read that right.  SOLD OUT.  All of 37 seconds later there were none.

Lesson learned.  So many lessons learned.  Like not to pre-order movies because it saved me absolutely no time or don't hesitate if you find what you think you might want just because you don't want to lose out on the ridiculous shipping charge if it wasn't the right one.  Thank you Disney, for always teaching me something new.

The Beginning

Hello new friends.  I'm Mandy.  I'm a stay at home mama to two little kidlets, Charlotte and Oliver.  I have been itching to start a blog for a few months now.  Somewhere I can spew my thoughts out and let my craziness ramble instead of bombarding my husband the minute he walks through the door or with umpteen phone calls a day to discuss things like bowel movements and what to have for dinner.  I mean seriously, some days that's as deep as it gets.

I love being a stay at home mom, I really do.  But there are some days, or rather some moments in every day, where I loathe it just a bit.  Not because I am not happy, not because I don't love my kiddos and certainly not because I wish it was any different.  Solely for the fact that I am constantly exhausted yet I continually feel like I am accomplishing nothing.  No?  That's not ringing a bell for you?  That's ok.  Pass this blog along to the stay at home mommy friend of yours.  She'll get it.

I don't exactly have that mom personality that you see in the movies.  The ones where they wear cardigans and jeans that come up too high.  I wear hooded sweatshirts and work out pants every day.  Every.  Single.  Day.  Whether I work out or not.  My hair is in a messy bun ponytail looking thing and I almost never wear make-up.  I don't have that weird, tranquil, everything is always great voice those moms have either.  I am loud and occasionally I yell.  In fact, I just yelled to my daughter right now to check in her room for her dance tights because I can't find them down in the laundry room.  (Update: she wore dirty tights from the laundry pile I couldn't find them in.)

Those moms always seem so well rested too.  I am tired.  Partly because my kids go to bed too late and therefore I stay up later than that because us parents need our kid free time to decompress.  We know we should put the kids to bed earlier.  And we try.  And we are really good at it for like 5 days.  Yet inevitably life settles and you are back where you were and I am totally ok with that most of the time....until that moment I lose my mama mind.

Thats what I say at least.  When I reach that breaking point or when I know it's coming.  I feel it building and I TRY to change something before it reaches the boiling point.  But alas, I do not always win that internal battle.  My mama mind is gone.  I am spent.  Maybe I really am crazy, but mostly I think I am human.  Join me as I succeed, and sometimes fail, in this mad world of parenthood.