I'm Guilty: Yelling

Ugh.  I just had a total mommy-had-enough moment and lost my cool.  When I lose my cool, I tend to yell.  When I yell get mad at myself for yelling and then I yell more.  What?  I know.  Lame.

Let me set the stage so you can see just how ridiculous I am.  A random thunderstorm is blowing through and we lose power for 22 seconds.  Enough time for me to lose the pictures I was currently editing.  Cue the start of my anger.  I go into the living room where the kids are chilling and playing and am immediately confronted with a barrage of new items on the floor that were not there a few minutes ago.   Cue slight annoyance.  I head into the kitchen to grab Charlotte her medicine since she is coughing up a storm.  I insert the syringe into the bottle and the tip snaps off.  Ugh.  So I go to grab a different syringe from the medicine drawer and there everything sits in a heap of children's Advil goo that had apparently leaked all over.  Cue my first fit.  I clean out the drawer by dumping it into the sink and scrubbing it while cursing all things sticky in my head.  I go back in with her medicine...finally.   She starts to object but she must see the look on my face and stops cold.  I head through the office on the way back to the kitchen and am reminded that not only did my computer shut off but the kids had used the room as a "store" this morning and there was approximately 7.2 billion toys littering the floor.  Only a slight exaggeration I assure you.  Cue the fury.  

Suddenly I went from "best Mommy ever" to "yelling and crazy lady" in 3 seconds flat.  

It was a whole lot of "Get in here and get this cleaned up!" and "You can clearly see that doesn't fit in there, take it upstairs!" and "Oliver!  Put the iPad down.  Are you kidding me?!  I said we're picking up!".  

Not to mention what is coming from the kiddos mouths.  "Mommy you're not being fair!"  and "You just don't love us anymore!" followed by tears and screams of nonsense.  Clearly at this point we are all irrational.  

In response I go into the kitchen and loudly clean out the refrigerator (wha?!).  Pitching out-of-date orange juice and old tomatoes while muttering on about how I am the only one who sees these things need thrown away anyways.  

At some point after we had all calmed down slightly Charlotte said to me... all be it loudly and through some remaining mad tears... "Mommy!  When I said you didn't love us anymore I just thought you were going to come and hug us to bits!!".  Cue gut punch pang of guilt followed quickly by hugging and cuddling to bits, apologies from all sides, and a slew of I love you's.  

I know these moments happen.  Luckily in our house there are pretty few and far between.  Never the less, TGIF.  

The Facebook Share that Stings

The last few days I haven't been able to get on Facebook without seeing a share, like or comment on this story.  Every time it pops up I cringe a little and scroll quickly past it.

I want to be happy for them.  I should be happy for them.  Instead I feel sorry for myself and I scroll on. You see, we too were pregnant with mono-mono twin girls.  Twin girls that we lost to cord entanglement at almost 18 weeks.  Ruthie and Imogene were delivered July 19th, 2012.  

Although they were not born holding hands, we saw some pretty phenomenal moments from them during our many, many ultrasounds.  Dancing around, playing and kicking each other.  Those are things you won't see with other twin pregnancies.  When the twins are monochorionic and monoamniotic it means they are sharing one space for everything.  It is an incredibly scary way to carry twins resulting in healthy births only 50% of the time.  I often say our girls played a little too hard and a little too much and that must be why they got all tangled up.  You see, Ruthie and Imogene passed away because their cords were so entangled that they could no longer supply them with what they needed to live and grow.  

What this story has done for me is helped me to understand how social media posts can affect others.  I don't believe in censoring yourself, your excitement, your praise or your posts to please every person on your friends list.  Impossible.  However, I do now empathize a bit with those that are sometimes sensitive to certain posts.  I understand how a pregnancy announcement is going to make an infertile friend cringe a bit.  I see how an announcement of an engagement or wedding might disappoint a friend who is recently separated.  I get how one parent excited about their child's achievements might affect a parent who's child is struggling.  

I don't think we should change what we share, but I do feel a bit wiser when it comes to understanding the feelings of others.  I would be lying if I said I hadn't rolled my eyes or been annoyed when someone voiced concern over a post, but I suddenly get how something that is posted with a big heart can feel so personal.  I will keep this in mind when I see others reactions.  I am not planning on changing what I do, say or share, but I am certainly thankful for this opportunity to empathize with others and perhaps lend a kind word when I can.